Thought Provoking Questions

 1. At what point in life are we good enough? When are we self-improved enough to accept ourselves? 

I think acceptance of yourself is the only way to be able to start improving yourself. If you can't look at yourself realistically, then any effort to self-improve is like renovating a building from blueprints whilst also wearing a blind-fold. You have to have clarity on what you're looking to change before you start using the wrecking-ball and laying concrete.

I think of myself as both "someone who has a lot to learn" and also "someone who is perfectly acceptable". It may not seem that way to other people sometimes, but I am fairly self-assured. Just maybe not as "other-assured". 

Taking time to be easy with yourself and other people can be a hard task, but learning to listen and staying open-minded is essential. I also think that the main reason people are worried about "Self-improvement" isn't actually something people care about. I think the real underlying reason people want to "improve" themselves is just to be "deserving" of love or respect or acceptance from others. I think if the majority of media and public discussion focused on an already accepting and not-so-reactionary acceptance of others, no one would ever have to be "good enough" because they already are, or are at least, ready to change and improve through gentle work (not shaming or a drastic reordering of their fundamental beliefs).

 I have more thoughts on that, feel free to ask me any questions in the comments or share your thoughts too. I like hearing perspectives

 

2. What in life, is beautiful to you? Where do you find inspiration?

Sometimes it's the simple things. The neon lights on a bus as they reflect in the puddles from the rain. That last moment getting out of the car and waving goodbye to your friends. That quiet moment when you're alone in an office building. Experiencing new music for the first time. Sharing something funny you know your friend would like and seeing their face light up when they laugh. Having an animal come up to you because it feels safe. Having a favorite mug that you fill with your favorite warm drink. Stepping out into the lightly sprinkling and cool rain when you can still feel the heat emanating from the gently warmed pavement. 

Anything can be beautiful in some way. It can be hard to see and it's completely up to subjective experience for everyone. To me, finding beauty in something is a choice. Sometimes you don't feel like making it. There can be as much painful beauty in crying alone as there can be pure misery. You don't have to see it and you have every right to be angry and accept that grief as it is. Neither way is better, they're just the way that you look at it. That's why there are so many different narratives in the media we consume. In one, something is a tragedy, in another, a beautiful truth of reality or a proof of overcoming challenge. It's been both an ending and a beginning to a million different things in a million different ways. 

I don't know how I judge things. It changes day to day. Sometimes it feels just to feel disgraced and vengeful and angry. Sometimes the anger and the pain are beautiful too, in some weird way. Sometimes I look at my own misery as something sort of profound or important, sometimes I'd do anything to escape such a worthless hindrance to what's important and meaningful at the time.

You'd think that as an artist I'd say that I have a lot of inspiration, but that changes too. They say "one man's trash is another man's treasure", but I often find that my own treasure can turn to trash and vice-versa anytime, provided I look at it long enough. Inspiration is whatever you make of it, from wherever you find it. Not something that helps you to seek it out, but that's all I have to offer at the moment.

 

3.Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why aren't you always content with content? Why do you still need to record records? Words can have different meanings depending on context. Unless you were asking what the biological reasons that your body reacts that way are, which in that case, I dunno. Ask Google or something. Well, maybe not Google, they are notorious for stealing and dolling out data for corporate monetary gain no matter the ethics. Like, Firefox or Duckduckgo or something. Yeah.

 

4.Can you dream of having a dream?

Yes. I have personally experienced that. Almost all of my dreams are some weird Inception type labyrinth of layers. I am almost always aware that it's a dream when I'm trying to puzzle something out with any amount of dream-logic reason, so there have been quite a few occasions where I "wake up" from a dream into another dream and think "wow, that was a weird dream. Glad I'm awake now. Am I awake? No, of course not, you're still dreaming, but if you fully recognize that, you'll wake up and that would be more a lot less entertaining than continuing to dream and just go with it. Oh. Okay."

 

5.When did your life change for the better?

I'll have to wait and see until the end so I can look back at it definitely and with greater precision. 

 

6.What's your personal heaven?

No idea. If I could think of it, I'd be trying to build it here on Earth.

 

7. How do you manage stress?

What's a manage? 

8. What do you believe stands in the way of you and complete happiness?

State of the world. I never want to be ignorantly happy when I know that other people are facing challenges and pain that they are helpless to stop. I've been ignored and in pain before and I never want other people to hate me as much as I hated the people who never seemed to care. I don't think I could stand to be met with the same burning loathing I had for the people who seemed to choose not to help when I was a kid. Dunno, emotions or whatever. It just seems impossible to fight back anymore. Won't stop me from trying, but still. Feels bad, man.

 

9. What's the one thing you wish you could accomplish before you die?

Knowing everything.

 

10. What's something you think every person should experience in their lifetime?

Joy, maybe. I don't want to think anymore. Too much.

 

(I'm stopping for now. Who knows when I'll come back to this)

11. Do you ever think there could be a world leader that has power over all countries?

In my worst nightmares, maybe. There's no way that wouldn't turn into a dictatorship. And how would you decide who's "next in line". 'Cause that just sounds like a monarchy if it's relation-based. Based on the examples seen with Britain, that's not gonna work well. I would hope for a collection of well informed people all over the world working together whose responsible to the people that live on Earth. Or if space travel ever works out longterm, then "In our solar system" would be more correct, I guess. Blah blah, socialism, equality, ACAB, respect for life, blah blah.

 

12. Is it easier to hate or love? Why?

They're both subjective feelings that come up naturally. I wouldn't say one is easier, it just depends on your learned reaction to things and the environment you're in.

 

13. What's something that nobody else knows about you?

I don't think I have anything. I'm pretty honest and open. Is it weird that I genuinely can't think of anything??

 

14. Do you think the end or the means is more important? Explain.

All of these questions seem "deep", but the majority of them just seem like splitting hairs. Nuance and context exist. "Is sleeping healthy? Why or why not?" Necessary for brain development and even the most primary of functions, yes. Should you get those extra hours whilst in the car? No. Boom. Deep. The answer to all of these are just "depends *shrug*". I dunno.

 

15. What is your biggest passion?

Depends *shrug*

 

16. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Someone from the future so they can tell me ... something. Anything, I guess.

 

17. Is there anything you've dreamed of doing for a while? Why haven't you done it? 

Starting my YouTube series "Free Trial Expired". I finally did a little bit of it, but it took a lot of procrastination and waiting it out. It's hard to be the focus of the content when you feel off. Think that might be a side effect of that, uh.. whatcha'mcallit.. ✨menthol-illness✨

 

18. Do news reporters wear pants behind the news desk?

What a complete 180. "And that's when I realised that the human mind is the only one advanced enough to question why we're here and that's something that has been consistent with people for millennia. Yet it's a question humanity has still collectively never found the answer to. 'Ya think news reporters are wearin' pants under there??".

I hope so?? It would be hard to get to work without 'em. If the dress code requires a pantsuit, the "pant" part seems non-negotiable.

 

19. Why is "Charlie" short for "Charles" if they are both the same number of letters?

Maybe some evolution of spelling or nicknames? Hold on, I'll look it up..

Some theories about the way children might mispronounce a name, some about diminutives (I wish English had more of those). No clear answer.

I was on an ancestry website recently though. Census makers just didn't care in the slightest. Ah yes, my relatives, "Cabby Dunker" "Guy Millor" and "Morchy Mounde". Maybe in Simlish?? 

"Catherine Dwyer" "Ivy Millar" and "Martha Maude" btw. 

What was going on in the 1900s? "You think her name is Morchy?" "I'm not paid enough to care. Put it in."

Point is, names change wildly throughout time.

 

20. If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then?

Most "expiration dates" don't actually matter. That's more of a sell-by date than it is a strict rule for when things turn inedible. Sour cream? We're talking about sour cream now??

Whatever. World Wide Web, your assistance, if you would?

The mold that forms seems a little off-putting, so I'm gonna go with, "Yeah, don't eat that". Doesn't really effect the taste, but it does effect your potential lifespan. But who knows, eat that sour cream that's old enough to drive. I'm sure it's fine. Maybe you'll get superpowers. Or the power of minutes left to live. Either way, at least you'll die with culture. (Get it? It's a lactose product based pun. Too cheesy? Am I milking this too much? I curd go on and on. I'd butter stop. If you're bored of dairy-based word play, you can just skim this part. Did you notice that "skim" was another pun? You did? Wow, nothing gets pasteurize! I'll stop. I hate myself too. Moving on. Or should I say moo-ving on! Just thought of that one. Uh.. anyway.) 

 

21. If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

Well, if you weren't planning to call, they couldn't foresee you calling in the future, so they wouldn't know to call you, because you were never planning to call if you were expecting them to call you first.

(Or psychics and mediums are milking your grief and fear of the unknown for all the cash it's worth and they're not really magic at all. Gifted, definitely. Just not with "the sight", more like with an eye for things to subtly cold-read. Wish I could do that. Not for extortion purposes, though.)

 

22. If insects are so obsessed with bright lights, why don't they fly off to the sun?

I kind of figured that moths and such are built to navigate by natural light. It wouldn't make sense if they flew to their deaths in the ozone, so I assume that something in their evolution prevents that? In my "theory", insects haven't had the time to co-evolve fast enough with humans' constant tech boom, so in that case, maybe their navigation systems are hampered by our "unnatural" use of electricity? *Shrug* I'm not gonna look it up, it's like, 11:00 PM...

 

23. In one word, what do you live for?

Curiosity.

 

24. Do the people in your life bring out the best in you?

Hard to see what's my "best" if life is built on the premise of constant improvement, but in essence, yeah. I like the people in my life. There aren't many at the time of writing this, but I'm working on it. For me, any new experience is learning, and all learning brings out the best in me.

 

25. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why?

I didn't think that I was, but after recently being in more frequent contact with people, yeah.  I don't know what it is. It's kind of a subconscious thing, I think.

 For some reason I clam up, get quiet, more "observer" than "interact-er". 

It could be that I've still internalized the reactions of those around me in my childhood. I can remember an ongoing pattern of adults in my life going into near hysteria over things I thought were inconsequential or even fun. I felt such spite and anger for them that I thought that maybe when you turned into an adult, you went through some sort of biological change that wiped your memories of being a child. I just couldn't reconcile that someone who had gone through the utter trauma of being a child could turn around and perpetuate the cycle. 

I feel like I still test the waters too often. Don't speak up enough in my fear of the suspected volatility of others. 

It often surprises other people to watch my videos, as I seem like a much more confident and relaxed person on screen. The trick behind it is that I always talk to an audience that I portray as already assuming that I'm acceptable. Fake people that I made up who aren't reactionary. Who won't pounce on my weaknesses or miss-steps before I get the chance to explain. I like writing and editing for some of the same reasons as well. I get the chance to be myself without the constant self-adjustment that I default to in the presence of others potential judgement.  Yeah...

 

Well, that was telling! I don't know how to talk about heavier topics because of aforementioned "Things I should've told my therapist maybe" in the last paragraph without making some sort of joke or distraction, soo..... 

Hey look, a - I can't think of anything. .. uh.. 

'Ya ever hear that one joke where the author leaves before they tell the punchline?

I haven't.