1. Do you believe in true love?
Love is a skill that you have to work at to improve and maintain. I think the concept of "true love" implies that it's instant and easy, when in reality it's hard work and takes constant communication and vulnerability. Romantic love isn't really my thing, but I do see how much other people seem to want and enjoy it, so whilst I don't think true love is real, I think caring about someone and someone caring about you is very real and important, no matter who you are.
2. Does your life have meaning?
Mine? Uhhh... None that I've figured out yet, but I'm still gonna stick around to find out so *thumbs up*
3. What would you want your final words to be?
"Remember me for all the words I said while I was living, not while I'm dying."
4. What impression do you think you give when you first meet someone?
Maybe sort of clueless and/or quiet. I think people expect me to be ignorant or inconsiderate, but maybe that's just me preparing myself to live with my fears instead of actual truth. I always hope that I seem capable and at least tolerable. I worry that people will take my words or appearance and make an instant and unshakable judgement. I don't know why it bothers me so much to be misinterpreted
5. If you had the chance to know when and how you'd die, would you take it?
A younger version of me wouldn't have hesitated to say yes, but current me would say no. I feel like it would make my life less entertaining or surprising. I think I'd be too worried with making the most out of life that I'd never actually do anything. I have this weird feeling of blankness and overwhelm when presented with too many options and for some reason I can't get my brain to pick just one to focus on or implement.
6. Do you believe in Heaven and Hell?
Nope. I think morality is just a human construct. I believe that the only judgement we'll receive is here on earth and I think it's up to the people to be kind and accepting, not because of an eternal reward or punishment hanging over your head, but because it makes people feel nice and when people feel cared for, they'll care for you back.
That's something I really don't understand about, like, "Evangelical Christianity". What part of "have compassion" are you people misinterpreting? It's not "love thy neighbor* *as long as they're not ____ because if they are they're going to Hell and you should hurt them". Literally the whole point of the Jesus mythology is "please have at least a little compassion for everyone you meet". I have more discussion points, but I want other people to be able to make good counterpoints, so I'll save that for later in time. Good luck with that one, older me.
7. 5 things that irritate you about the opposite/same sex?
I don't think there are any traits that are inherent to your biological sex. "You have a body, sorry for your loss." Do people actually enjoy having a physical presence? Am I just the odd one out for thinking the concept of piloting a horrible little meat blob with an electrified lump of fat to guide it is absurd at best and supremely unnatural at worst? Anyone? No one else is constantly hyper-aware that they have organs and can feel them sloshing around in there and wishes they could live without them? Ok. Cool. Good chat.
8. Story of your first kiss?
Once upon a time, there was a person. Everyone left them alone and gave them at least 6 feet of incredibly platonic distance. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
9. Something you regret?
Can't think of anything. I am who I am right now because of all of the choices I've made thus far, so I wouldn't change anything in the past. (And it's not like I could anyway, so it's probably for the best that I'm just chillin' and trying my best)
10. What do you find funny that other people don't?
Romance and sexual stuff. They just seem really silly to me and I can't fathom that people are actually feeling something because of it. I've heard people talk about their most romantic or desirable situations and I have to hold back a laugh because it sounds ridiculous.
For me, it's like everyone is fascinated with slapping raw chicken breasts together and taking turns squawking at each other, but then they call that a bonding experience or the most amazing thing on the planet.
Or like, pet names. "Love you my little snuffle-lump bean baby" Thanks?? Like what do people like about infantilizing nicknames? Or the rude degrading things? "Who's been a bad boy?" "Actually, I believe that morality is subjective, therefore it's actually on quite a complicated case by case basis." How are you supposed to respond?? How are you not laughing your lungs out on a regular basis??
Um, so anyway. Hey mom, hey dad. Hello grandma. Yes, I'm very normal, why do you ask?
11. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
The power to manipulate probability.
Boom, now you own the universe (to whatever extent you want)
12. 3 words that best describe you?
Sincere, Curious, Chill
13. What feature of mine do you find most attractive?
Wait, are these like, date questions? Oh. Uh.. Windows Compatibility? That's a neat feature.
14. How old were you when you got your first kiss?
Old enough to still go trick-or-treating. Wasn't much of a fan of the paper bit at the top, kinda wasn't a chocolate person either. Worried you for a second there, huh? Ha-ha. See, the joke is funny because I'm implying that "my first kiss" was a Hershey's Kiss and that's a chocolate candy, but the word "kiss" is technically a homophone, so it sounds like I was talking about a physical display of affection, so it's amusing because at first you assumed one thing but then your expectations were subverted because -
(Btw, did you know that the strip of paper on top is called a "Niggly-Wiggly"? Yup... So anyway... fun facts)
15. If today was the last day of your life, how would you spend it?
Are these actually date questions? "And I'll have the salad. So.. I know that you're a lawyer and you like dogs. You like to sing and song-write in your free-time. What if you died today? How would you feel about that one? Would you feel satisfied with what you've done or would you be forever haunted by the ghosts and deepest regrets of your past in an endless cacophony of your own failure and suffering? Oh! Salad's here! How's the garlic bread?"
I dunno, man. It's not like it's gonna matter to me what I did, I'll be dead.
16. What advice do you think your 45 year old self would tell you?
Write more. Care more. Stop being so afraid of what might happen. Film your Youtube series and be as utterly incomprehensible as possible. It doesn't matter what other people have to say about you, as long as you make an effort to understand and collaborate with the people that happen to share this little temporary section of our universe. Life is random and only has whatever meaning you give it. Nothing was ever achieved by giving up and losing hope. Keep going. I promise it turns out okay.
Wishful thinking maybe, but I hope someday you live to see this, me. Do you agree? Is it better? Better marginally but due to renewed issues, it's become the new normal and you're still just as bored and unsure as you were 26 years ago?
17. What is your definition of cheating?
On a test or on a person (or persons)? For tests, I don't think "cheating" matters. I think collaboration and connection are what solidifies information best in someone's mind. Students are actually a lot more enthusiastic about learning and working and contributing to "society" than testing and schools would suggest. Students only start cheating when they're not invested in the subject matter and/or the way that it's being taught. If students were allowed to pursue their own interests rather than face punishment and restriction for deviating, then I know for a fact that students would all be avid learners. No need to cheat if your school system doesn't treat collaboration and interest as the villain anymore.
For cheating in a relationship, I'd say that's whenever someone breaks the boundaries that all parties have agreed to by doing so with another person.
Make your own boundaries, be communicative with the people in your life. Guaranteed to solve at least 80% of all relationship issues.
18. When was the last time you felt loved?
It's not something deep. My mom made me waffles with warm apple syrup. She's very caring and I hope she knows it really does mean a lot to me. (Not just the waffles, mostly the "caring" thing)
19. Greatest accomplishment
This is the only one that isn't framed like a question. Greatest accomplishment, now. Tell me or I'll start asking about death and meaning again. You now have one minute to answer before your date spontaneously implodes. 59...58..
I don't know. I want to accomplish so much more. *beep* I can't really pinpoint something I've done that wraps up in a neat little presentable "Here's what I've done with my life" way. *beep* "I've made it this far and I intend to keep going". How about that?
*beepbeepbeep*
Hey, what's that beeping?
...
Oh.
Guess that's why they call them dates. 'Cause they're in the past. Ha-Ha. Get it? It's funny because-
Wow. I've manufactured an entire narrative in my mind about a fictional person on a blogpost that I made as a way to stave off the pervasive sense of boredom that invades my every moment of solitude with my thoughts and then pretended that person imploded at the end. That seems super normal and healthy. Good job. Gold star. Keep taking your meds and leaving your house. :)
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